Don’t talk about your relationship ~ Gottman Marriage Minute

Seems like counter-intuitive advice, right? Not when you’re having a “How was your day, dear?” conversation with your partner, which we refer to more formally in the Gottman Method as a stress-reducing conversation.

When you’re trying to de-stress at the end of the day, the cardinal rule is not to talk about your marriage.

Why? The stress-reducing conversation helps each of you to manage the external stress in your daily lives not caused by your relationship so that it doesn’t spill over into your marriage.

Even though it is always good to regularly open up about what you need and how you feel within your marriage, when you are both trying to de-stress and connect, then your relationship is a subject that should be off-limits.

A stress-reducing conversation is really a form of active listening, in which you respond to each other’s venting with empathy and without judgment, and it is a good ritual to reunify at the end of the day and support each other emotionally concerning other areas of your lives.

Additional reading

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Couples Relationship session following completion of Gottman Relationship Assessment Tool.  (60 – 90 min)  The  Relationship Tool Questionnaire will be sent directly to each person separately from The Gottman Institute; the cost is included in this package.

It’s  possible to evaluate your relationship to recognize areas for improvement, as well as recognize areas of strength!


Couples Relationship Coaching  (60 – 90 min):  We are hard wired to attach through relationships, attachment with others is innate. The main reason that people seek sessions are related to problems with relationships. Such problems might  arise at home, at work, or they might appear as a general feeling of  not fitting in. Relationships are all around us, relationship with  others not only intimately.

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Transformational coaching  develops a working relationship in “creating a  future”, rather than “getting over” the past. Trained as a psychotherapist I’ve come to find a  more fulfilling  approach to helping others through the practice of  “Transformational  Life Coaching”. Online, telephone or in person.

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Cheryl Wheeler, MA *only providing Life Coaching Services. Please note coaching sessions are not to be considered psychotherapy in nature, and are not appropriate for Serious Mental Health Illness’.


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